When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
