I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish you could order shots online.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
