The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize