i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will pee on everything he values.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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