dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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