Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
