We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
