The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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