Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
