I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize