shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
