just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
