ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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