i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
