can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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