drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
