I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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