OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
