Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize