oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
