Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
