I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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