I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
