i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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