I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
