I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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