These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
