A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
