so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
