just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
