Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
