just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
