here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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