I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
