Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize