oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
