and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
