Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
