On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
