Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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