so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
