DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize