All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
