we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
