The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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