How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My dick has a subreddit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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