billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
