remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You dont lie about slip and slides
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
