i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
