She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
