She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
