I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
