I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
