Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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