I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my liver is dry heaving
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
