btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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