So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
