i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
