so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We are two peas in an std pod
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
