Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize