I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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