Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
