I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
