his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
