I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
