I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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