I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize