All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
