I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
