I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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