also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
