Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
