when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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