I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
