I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
