you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize