you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
