is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
