Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize