just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
