I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
