saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
