Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
