If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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