A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love having hate sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
