we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
