I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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