Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
