i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
