The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
