I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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