they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
