i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize