My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
